Love story Page 1 Chapter 1. INDEX Next page
LETTER 1 (Leonard - Oct. 28 1988).
things pass, but love remains always.
And now that I have been able to locate your address I do not wish to
wait any longer in writing you this letter.
I am Leonard, the oldest son of Abraham Van Zanten.
remember how much fun we used to have with you, when I and my brothers and
sisters were yet little. I remember
new years-eve in the middle of the night eating fried treats and throwing
snowballs, and you pulled us on a sled.
It is not
my meaning to open old wounds, but for many years I have wished to say to you
how much we, or at least I cared for you, and loved you.
six months to a year, when you were no longer with us, I was in Hillegom once
and saw you passing by on the bicycle, but by the time I got to my bicycle, and
had gone after you, my search was in vain.
remember that day as were it the day of yesterday, I was much grieved in not
being able to find you at that time, for I wished so much to speak with you.
And I wished for another occasion to run into you, but when I was 19
years of age I went to the USA which is now some 32 years ago.
been back several times but during these short periods I did not think to search
for you. But if God will open a
door to me next year or so, I would very much like to see you, and speak with
7. It is difficult for me to write in Dutch. I received a letter from Ron Veldhuizen Van Zanten. He is putting together a family tree, and when I saw your name in it I asked him if perhaps he knew where you lived, or have an address, since no one else knew.
did very much for me, he reported that he had to make eleven phone calls to find
your address, and I am very happy with it. He reported that apparently no one of us kept contact with
you, and this I consider a shame.
9. I wish you health, and may the Lord keep you, with much love, your oldest son Leendert. (Or Leonard).
surprise this morning to receive your letter, I thought it was a dream, but no
it was really so. I have often
longed for all of you, for I cared very much.
And if on Sept 1953 the door had not been locked after I had picked up
the potatoes for that day, I would never have left of my own accord.
it had to be that way, I was much grieved for some time, yet I had a good life,
ten years in Amsterdam as midwife, six in Wolfheze, Bennekom, and in Oosterbeek,
and now I am twenty one and a half years in 'tHofje van Staats.
marvelous idea from you to write me, and I hope to yet see you someday in real
life. From Uncle Jacob and Aunt
Lida I had heard that you had gone to your uncle in California.
I heard (for I come there now and then) that Gerry had a baby, and so I got her
address and wrote her, but I got no reply.
Then I thought that not one of you wished any contact with me.
And now your letter, very much thanks for it.
it so kind of you to think of me, and also thanks for the pictures which you
enclosed, I think you have a nice wife, she is pretty so to see in the picture,
and in the children I see the resemblance. I hope that I may hear from you soon, and I will write you
right back. At the same time it is
good for you to refresh your Dutch, it is after all your mother's tongue.
I want to
tell you that I cared very much for your mother, I spoke much with her when she
was sick, in that small building outside also.
And that last night when I watched by her bed she asked me if I would
care for her children.
are a darling that you wrote me such a fine letter, very much thanks, and
greetings, especially for your wife and children, and for you a big kiss from
the world does not ask for - that also it shall lose, but I have gained you in a love that is near to my
overjoyed to receive your letter and if I am a darling, you so much more.
I have to let this work in a bit that after all those years I really
heard from you, and that you have not forgotten us, but rather care much.
hardship one person will do to another. And
yes, I can understand how much sorrow it must have been for you, first that
divorce, then Gerry not giving you an answer, which was still worse.
For then you must think, "They want nothing to do with me, and, what
have I done, or not done, and is there no forgiving?
far as the law of God is concerned, and for me, there is no such thing as
divorce, and though the law's of men may grant divorce it is nothing before God.
You therefore are still my mother first and foremost, except for her who
has been laid to rest with Jesus.
I do not
recognize the divorce of my father, it was unlawful.
And with all my heart I will always call you my mother, for thus you are
before God, and me. And he who does not love his mother with heart and soul -what
sort of person shall he be? But I
am your adopted son with heart and soul.
much with mother, and thus you know that she was a child of God, and God gave
her a son to follow her, for true faith does not doubt, but remains firm in
love. It grieves me that not one of
the others thought much about contacting you.
what would it have been if it hadn’t come from the heart?
I am far from you, and had to find you through a stranger, and I will not
let you go until I may embrace you.
It is a
bit strange and difficult to believe that at last I still have a mother alive
and well. I suppose you know that
father married again, her name is Stien, she lives in the house behind the farm.
though she is not really a mother as you are to me, still I care for her, but
more like a friend. But you I love
you with my heart, even though I have not seen you for years.
It is as I said last time, that; “all things pass but love never".
which I felt for you as a child has only become stronger through the years.
Therefore also my heart reaches out for you to hear your voice even if it
is only on paper, like a golden reward in the grace of God.
is hard holds himself back, ashamed for what he should not shame himself, but I
will show my feelings, for that with which the heart is full of, thereof the
mouth runs over. Or how will a
child hide anything from his mother?
Let me be
a child and win hearts, for there is nothing on earth that I rather have than to
love one another. But what I say to
you, I do not say to all, to a mother I may speak thus-wise.
feel what this is like, to think, "Why don't they want anything to do with
me? They have another, and have
forgotten me, they were only children, and the time was short, yet I would so
much like to hear of them.
think; we were such rascals, and why did it have to be so easy, that divorce and
all? I was very determined to talk
with you, for I just could not put it through my childish head that-you would
mother died, I did not doubt for a moment that she at last had found rest, and
in that respect I was glad for her. But
my question to my father came to nothing, and how was I to find you by myself?
For as a
child the head is easily confused, and the thought that you did not want us sort
of healed the wound, but never completely.
But like you said; it had to be. But
whether you never had any children of your own, you now have a son, and in love,
and I a mother after many long years.
shall recount to you what has happen in those times.
Afterwards when father again wished to marry, she treated me wrongly, and
did not win me over, but instead turned me off. This now happened already before the wedding, and when that
day came (the time for all to go) I refused to go along being still dressed in
my work clothes. Well I sure got it
that time from my father, on my butt that is, and I was forced to go along.
anyway, it was not long or I went to the USA, to strangers, and I learned real
quickly to be independent. The first three years taught me that enemies were
better than friends who were not to be trusted.
And to follow my mother at that time seemed to me the greatest joy, but
even though I begged God, He did not take my spirit from me.
will say good-by for this time till a next, with a big kiss and best wishes, may
the Lord yet bring us together before too long.
Your son Leen.
LETTER 4 Ann - Nov 29 1988
I was this evening in coming home after a weekend at Oosterbeek to find your
letter in the hallway. The first
thing I did was to read it, then I became still more happy, yes I cried from
happiness that you wish to be my son with heart and soul.
I have to
let this work in a bit that after 35 years I may again be a mother for you, I
thank God that He gave me health again after serious illness to yet experience
I thought I had done everything wrong, and asked God for forgiveness, I thought
I did not deserve to ever hear from you guy's again, but now I know not what to
do for happiness that you write to me with so much love.
You are a
darling to do this for me, I always thought on you, almost no day passed that I
did not. And for a long time I had heart sore
having to leave, but it could not be different then.
In 1971 I
became very ill, the sickness of Addison that destroys kidneys.
After this I was turned down for my work, and for ten years had TB.
After that I was operated on and a kidney was removed.
that I got better, and now it is much better with me, I work a lot with the
evangelism, we have a center here at the church for the homeless and drug
related, I help out once a week and visit the sick and lonely. I am so busy
doing that, that I can't conceive how I ever had time to work.
now that you write me such lovely letters, it is the best and finest thing that
I can conceive. So you see that
love remains always, this you wrote, and I feel it is true.
8. Greetings to your wife and Rudolph and Rutger, dear Leonard much greetings and for you a big kiss from your mother Good buy dear boy.
LETTER 5 Leonard - Dec 20 1988
usually patient, but now I look for your letters. And now that you turn my heart in feelings of love towards
you I thank God that He has made both of us so happy.
at times said to me; that that sensitivity of mine would bring me much sorrow
since the world is so cruel, and it is so. But I notice that you also are sensitive my dear mother, for
which I am glad.
It is as
if I feel the wounds with which you suffered in all these years, as if they rest
on me, that I may bear them to ease them from you.
And so I think, why could this not have been sooner, for so much has
happened and I was not there to support her.
again I ask myself, why did I not sooner think of it to search for you.
But that answer is in the knowledge of God, for just as He unites us now,
and why, and to what end, is also in His knowledge.
But I am
very happy as one who has found a great treasure, for this is most dear to me,
to share love and compassion, I rejoice exceedingly that the faith in the Lord
has also been given you, to love our Savior.
thank God is a right offering, and to seek forgiveness by Him is not in vain,
for when it is thus with our hearts, then the grace of God is near.
having heard how sick you have been, and in all these years thinking to hear
from us, then I am reminded of the words of Jesus Ben Sirach as he said;
“Suffer all things that come upon you, and be glad in all sorrows, for just as
gold is tried in the oven, so also they that are acceptable to God are tried in
the fire of adversity."
testify to that, and you also, the promise then is also given; that after
endurance He will again turn to us, for they that wait on Him shall not be put
shall I say my mother, why does my heart long so much for you?
I have known you for only a short while, nor have I seen or heard of you
for many years, and yet with the day I long more and more for you like a son to
his mother whom bore him.
indeed marvelous what the love of God is able to, for such is not common with
men. But now that I have a treasure
above others in Holland I meditate to what end this may be?
How long must I wait to see her? But
I must have patience, be content with your letters.
that you wish to be a mother for me, we must find what it is that a mother is to
a son, what I can do, or say, to be dependent as a son on you.
12. To get to know you is the first thing, and how do you want to get to know your son? May God keep you and enrich your heart with His love, and from me your son, much love with a big kiss. Leonard.
LETTER 6 Ann
- Dec 12 1988
with me as with you, continually I look for a letter from you, how can it be
that we have become so knit to each other?
First my heartfelt thanks for the nice pictures of your family which you
sent, I hope you are very happy with each other, also in the year 1989 which is
coming, and thanks also for the nice Christmas card.
received a letter from Roger, very nice, but in your letters I have come so
close to you that when I read them I want to put my arms around you and press
you to my heart. To me you are the
most dearest in the world, my dear darling, yes we both are a bit
over-sensitive, but that is marvelous.
also about your family how you are doing with each other, for I wish to share
with you in everything, so I might learn to know you better.
I read psalm 134, and hymn 150, this afternoon; "In the beginning
was the Word, on earth His voice is heard which desires to speak to all
generations, He was born in the night.
I am not
going to send you a picture of me since that will scare you, but I feel myself
yet young. How glorious it will be
in the near future to see each other, but it is a bit too far to come to you on
the bicycle, although I ride every day, and in the summer even to Amsterdam.
terrible things have happened, that earthquake in Argentine, and that airplane
that fell in England with all that destruction, and what great sorrow it brings
for all those poor people. It is at
such times that one looks and longs for the return of Christ, so I often think,
O how glorious that would be.
O my boy
I am so happy with your letters, I read and reread them, and I pray for your
families that all things may be well, I have known you now and then since you
were six years old, and from your 15th to your 16th year.
But now I
am getting to know you better, my heart is full of it.
Very many thanks for your kind writing; the sorrow of the divorce is
rectified in you one hundred percent. We
should have had contact sooner yes, but now all things are made well.
have a happy Christmas with each other? I
want to know much more regarding you, if you find time you must write me
Sunday a sermon on the shepherds, shepherds were considered lowly in Israel,
thus we can come to the krib in Bethlehem to worship our Savior.
I would like to write much more but the letter is full.
10. Heartfelt greetings for Edith, Leonard David, Ann Marie, and for you much love with a big kiss.
LETTER 7 Ann - Jan 1 1989
My dear son.
glorious it is to write that above my letter, I just can't get over it that I
may again be a mother for you, it gives me such a good feeling my darling son.
I never thought that this would so happen, I always thought you had a
you already on Thursday Dec 29, but I cannot wait any longer, so I am writing
again. I look continually for a
letter from you, but it is yet too soon for that, I must have patience.
Then I think, how will this be now for the future, will it remain like
this? But that cannot be.
everything, even that which is not pleasant for you, for I wish very much to
know everything about you, good things or not good, in all things I want to feel
with you, and share with you.
We had a
nice Sunday today, first the morning service everyone wishing everyone happy new
year, then a sermon from our district minister (Gen 25:19-27) Isaac prayed to
the Lord after which Rebecca prayed. Isaac
and Rebecca - man and wife, two people, single in their faith in God, two
persons praying, this seals their love giving it lasting quality.
marvelous when you can pray for each other, what marvelous when you have an
address where you can go with all your questions and problems, to the highest
are married, and they are one, then is that certainly worth a prayer of thanks.
But married or not married that road lies open for everyone through
Jesus, through Him may I come to the Father with all my cares and problems and
again a new year ahead of us, and what shall it bring?
It is yet all hidden, but one thing we know for sure that we may put all
things in God's hand, to let Him direct us and watch over us.
Since this meant so much for me Leonard, I wrote you this right away.
I am so
very happy that you have kept the faith, it is the greatest support that we have
in life, without Jesus our Savior and Mediator we cannot live, and we need Him
every moment of our life.
went to America so young, you did not have it all that easy, I can picture that
very well, but I hope that now you are very happy in your marriage with wife and
children. I received a hundred
cards and letters during Christmas, and also wrote many.
are the crown, those are more valuable to me than gold, yes even more than
diamonds. If only you could know
how happy you have made me, I can not explain it, but each day I think of it.
You are not for a moment out of my thoughts just as I already wrote to
11. You had to miss so much as children, losing your mother so early. And I know how hard it was for your mother - being forced to have to let go of you all. I grieved much for your mother when she died.
But I will never again let "you" go as
long as I live.
You are my greatest treasure;
like to say to everyone, "be happy with me for I have found my child that I
13. I will
pray much for you, and for the others and I hope to see you once, for with the
day my longing increases, my love for you becomes more and more affectionate.
14. Good-by my dear Leonard, much greetings for your family granted from God, and a big kiss from your mother.
Leonard Jan 22 1989
My dear mother.
I am so
happy with your letters and your affectionate love, this I had not expected.
How wondrous the grace of the Lord.
He took her who bore me away, and now after forty years His grace is
And at this point we both are asking what the purpose of this may be. I do not exactly know my mother, but if I relate to you what
the Lord has done to me, perhaps we may both come to know it.
I know that you my dear mother is also beloved of the Lord, I can speak more
freely. I know that you wish me
happiness with my wife and children. My
children then are after me, and though I rather not declare this, you know how
Judah, the son of Jacob, was married, and did not have joy with his wife, like
unto Judah it is with me.
rejoices in all that is of the Savior, the other wants nothing of it, and calls
it foolish. Moses was not all that
happy either; she circumcised his son only when he was sick to death.
She did not wish to lose her husband, but cared little for the promise
enough of this, you spoke to me with so much love, and desire to share
everything with me, to become a mother to me.
This however my dear mother could turn out to be very difficult for
you, while on the other hand, it can also bring you a greater joy than you had
something to it perhaps that you were given to me after these forty years.
Your own trial in these years were also directed of God, it may be that
He has something in mind for you which you have not yet discovered, or felt in
the depth of your heart.
I now am
thinking, shall I open my heart to her, or shall I wait?
But the love that comes through in your words overcame the opposition.
Therefore my dear mother, you have been a midwife all your life to help
those that were pregnant, remain then a little longer therein to support your
own son who is also with child.
It is as
were it so destined for me to receive you at this time.
What I mean by "being with child", is both difficult and
manifold to explain, but I will do so in bits and pieces, as also it was given
Moses grew up he knew God had called him as a deliverer, and being forty years
of age, he thought the time had come, and he sought for a way.
He then killed an Egyptian, but when it became known, he, instead of
becoming a deliverer, had to flee, and another forty years went by before God
he no doubt must have had thoughts as if he was imagining things, seeing he was
away for so long from his people, if indeed he was to deliver them as God had
promised? Moses nevertheless kept
It now is
written in the scriptures, that before the return of Christ Jesus the
foundations of the earth are to be understood.
The angel said to Esdras,
“Stand upon your feet and hear a mighty sounding voice, and it shall be
like the sound of many waters, but the place where you stand shall not be moved.
Therefore, when it speaks, be not afraid, for the word is of the end, and
the foundations of the earth are understood.”
And in Jer. 31 it is written, “If
the heavens above can be measured, or the foundations of the earth below can be
discovered, then will I cast off the descendants of Jacob."
my dear mother know that no-one can discover these things of himself, nor
therefore shall Israel be cast off. Still,
the foundations are to be known or Christ cannot come.
however brings His own word to fulfilling, therefore also my dear mother has our
dear Lord arranged things so that He Himself declares these foundations to one
whom He chooses.
Isaiah testifies thereof, as one who would speak words, which
no man has spoken, that were not previously heard, for how shall it have been
heard before and Israel be cast off? Therefore
He said to Isaiah: "As a first I declared it to Zion".
foundations now are declared unto me. As
a first among men I am allowed to reveal these.
And the knowledge thereof my dear mother is very great, above all that
man has discovered. And this my
dear mother (for it feels so good to call you my dear mother) is the child that
is within me.
almost thirty years ago, and about fifteen years ago I thought, like Moses, that
now the time had come. But it was
not so, and I said to myself, you are imagining things, perhaps you are not him,
or perhaps I err. But of that,
which I had received, of that there was no denying, it being as clear as
thought perhaps it is for my son, or another, and the years passed, and I
promised myself to write everything down by age forty-eight.
But I was forty-nine and a half before my spirit was stirred in me to
bring it to an end.
time that followed I received more and more, and even now more and more, like as
Solomon obtained wisdom, so I received knowledge in the secrets of God to the
foundations which He created, inclusive those of the earth.
to what is current, there is a great difference, wherefore also that which God
has given us by me is a great treasure for all people.
And wisdom my dear mother teaches humility.
will I declare it to the people? If
it shall not be of the Lord, I surely can do nothing. The few that have heard
something agree with me, and are amazed, even though it was but a drop.
I tell them that it is a gift of God, but this is taken with a grain of
educated world declares the world to have come of itself, and now I shall come
with secrets that reach far above their works?
Or shall I answer them, that it is of God, on whom they do not believe?
else shall I tell them where I obtained the knowledge?
For I will not deny my Lord, but rather I shall be as a lion among birds
of prey. The news media that handle
such things will only accept something if one first has a name, or works with
before they will look into anything, they questions where are you from, or with
what intellectual group are you, where did it come from, etc.
And you know dear mother that I have but one answer, which to them is
madness, how then shall the Lord fulfill His promise?
I look to see what the Lord will do.
been busy this last week with a thesis regarding light (sunlight).
For I thought, I will take something that will not hurt so much, which is
easy to understand, and of great importance which I can present with evidence
that nearly all can understand.
And to do
it in such a way as they wish, while then I am not declaring everything, it
appears as if I complimenting Einstein and others.
For Moses also did not tell the whole truth, he said, three days in the
desert. It was mailed out Jan 20,
may God bless it, His will be done.
which I have now declared to you my dear mother you hear as a first. I have not declared this before to anyone, not to my wife nor
children, and why I do it to you, is beyond me, it must be your love, and my
trust that you will understand, and be a support to me.
I feel a
bit relieved now that the Lord has given me someone with whom to share happiness
and sorrow, yea even a mother. You
know that a prophet is not honored in his own town or by his own family, but a
mother may be different.
not understand everything either, but held it in her heart.
Now you know with what I am in labor, and just as a child must be born
lest both shall die, how then the Lord will bring it to earth I know not, but
seeing the Lord has given me a midwife, the time may be near.
Job complained that God had given him light, but hid his way
from before him, so also is there light to me, but He keeps my way hidden from
me. I understand the aim all right,
but there is hurt nonetheless.
itself however is so beautiful, so fair, so marvelous as God has made all
things, it is delicious to see all this in the light of truth, very beautiful
indeed, and without any blemish.
separate places we ask what is to come of this in the future, but now that
becomes even more a question. As
soon as the Lord opens a door for us I will come to embrace you; this I believe
is granted us for yet a while.
Nor had I
expected such a friend, even to find a mother, for I know for a fact my dear
mother that heavy times are ahead of me, my name may mean strong Lion, but I am
a weak human.
hope that these words of mine may also be for gold unto you, for I imagine
myself nothing O dear mother, though I have asked myself that question a
thousand times. Would that it was
so, then I could be like others, but the hand of the Redeemer overcame me, I
have no strength against Him.
may think you have gotten a son my dear mother, but he may be more than a son to
you. You rejoice, but it will become yet greater, you have love,
may it exalt you to the heavens. This
I have found, that the love with which the Savior loves us is inconceivably
great, His grace so kind, so soft, so immeasurable that it is far beyond me.
then will the joy be once we shall be home?
Hold on to me my mother, so I say to you, so that I may behold your
lovely face forever, for to this end did the Lord grant us faith, to inherit the
like to say; put on the coffee I am coming to you, but that time will come,
meanwhile I rejoice in your letters and thank the Lord for you.
And now you will no doubt have a thousand questions, what shall it mean;
"A mighty sounding voice", or "of many waters", or "be
not afraid", and also that it concerns two things.
educated ones of the world deny God as Creator of heaven and earth, and whom
shall he be as stated in Isaiah 48:12-16 of whom it is said that he would honor
God as Creator? Who will bring the
wisdom of men to foolishness if not God.
not Babylon translated as, world? And
against whom will his might be? The
Chaldeans, which means, the strong. "I
love him", so says the Lord, and, that he would prosper.
And who will accuse me that I kept myself hidden?
Their own foolishness is them to their loss.
O my dear
mother have you heard the vision of Joseph who was despised for his dreams, what
he gave to his children in his last words?
“I saw that from Judah was born a virgin wearing a linen garment, and
from her was born a Lamb without blemish, and on His left there was as were it a
lion, and all the beast ran up against him, but He overcame them and trod them
And because of Him the angels and men and the land will rejoice, these
things now will be fulfilled in their time, in the last days."
lion with his right hand in the Savior's left, but the Lamb does the work. The
world however will see only the Lion; the Lamb is in Spirit until the time that
He shall come in the clouds in person.
are they that shall believe, and not despise this, for all things must come to
an end, to eternal peace. I shall
end this letter my dear mother, the Lord grant you wisdom to His word.
and peace of God and Christ Jesus be with you to eternal salvation, and from
your beloved son a kiss with affectionate love until a next time.
47. Lay these things in your heart, keep them as a treasure entrusted to you until our Savior declares it to all, weight them in faith, and after the grace of God. Leonard.
LETTER 9 Leonard - Jan 17-1989
most dearest mother.
Song of Solomon it is written; "He kissed me with the kisses of his mouth,
more precious than wine is your love, delicious is the fragrance of your
ointments. He has brought me into the wine house, his love was his banner over
me, strengthen me with raisin-cookies, revive me with apples, for I faint from
love, his left hand under my head, his right arm embraces me.
dear mother, I will also sing you a High song, to expose myself to you, to own
you to me, I will touch your feelings to turn your affections to me, to confuse
you in love. I have kissed you my
dear mother with the words of my mouth.
behold if your love will be one with me.
sweetness of my soft lips will make you one with me.
costly wine of my soul are pleasant to you
If it causes you to be drunk, lifted up in ecstasy of love.
let me to our quarters of love.
away he called me.
deceived me with the kisses of his mouth.
pleasant wine his love overcame me.
rejoice myself in him.
He led me
to his place of rest.
will accustom myself to his love.
is not as white as it was at my birth.
beauty as long ago.
my love receive me?
loveliest, let not your appearance shame you,
color of your skin, for you are enchanting.
I do not
look at your years - desire of my soul.
brought forth the fruit of the vine for others.
you did not partake thereof.
you have received a son.
from your Father in the Highest.
desire raisin-cookies my mother? These I have.
desire apples my dear mother? These
desire love my beloved mother? It
is granted you.
Savior of man is full of love.
granted me this, a blessing to my many children.
make you drunk in my love.
your head with the pleasure of souls desire.
breast will be filled-with the most high luster.
mother to your child with great desire.
wisdom you will drink.
Spirit will fill you with desire.
desire the highest of love.
delicious is your love, your appearance so beautiful.
enchant me with your ornaments.
will drip of the taste of sweet honey.
of my youth will be found under your tongue.
feed you with the milk with which I was fed.
breasts of your sister, the gift of the Father.
delicious O my mother, my sister,.
my bride, unto you will I be wed.
will be immeasurable.
you miss it ever again.
have expected that I would be so knit to you? How marvelous the love, the works of the Lord.
Previously I knew only a hidden love, which is now inflamed, it has
become intimate, and who shall have done this if the not the Savior, who else?
purpose has He in mind? The Lord
granted me wisdom and understanding, and with it also insight.
But I am not revealing everything to you lest I make you over-drunk -
wherein love does not rise to joy.
my mother love me, be patient with your son.
shall be to you more than a man, than a married man.
your Savior mother, Christ who granted you this,
you, and has elevated your name.
overcome you in love.
breast with the pleasure of blessedness.
you remain with me always.
heart of a woman will depart from the mouth.
she faints in love?
young maiden did he draw her to him.
be to him as her who bore him.
love she will never be satisfied.
breast he will forever be joyful.
beloved mother, I love you, because;
spirit with Mine testify us children of God.
to me my sister, my wife, and my mother.
than these three, I know no other woman.
therefore am man, you will be mother to me.
beloved one into all eternity's.
end have I come? What is my life
that you wish to share it? Did you
not know that I must serve in my Father's house?
Thus spoke Christ to his mother when she reproved Him, and I now say to
you my dear mother; it is so ordered of the Savior. Shall a teacher not care for
his teachings, to be busy therein? Whoever
works with cow's talks of cows, they that sail the sea in ships have tall
that concerns himself with the word of God must take it seriously, search day
and night, for he must teach men the rights of the Lord.
For God, who asks after everyone's work, searches if he has done rightly,
and woe to him who does not take it to heart.
Raisin cookies and apples.
"With all those calamities in the world, one would long for the return of
Christ." Strengthen now
yourself in faith my dear mother and I will point out to you in the scriptures
showing how that day of Christ is not far off. “When the tree begins to
blossom - know that summer is near." So
spoke the Savior.
ninth chapter of Daniel it is written how long that time will be, "Seventy
weeks of years", so it states. For two thousand years Israel has been in
exile from their land, but the Lord promised them a return before His coming.
seventy weeks of years, it reads. "Know and understand (and I place emphasis on this), that from the time
the command went forth to restore Jerusalem, to the coming of an anointed one, a
prince, shall be seven weeks. And
for sixty two weeks it shall remain build with square and moat."
the Lord kept His promise my dear mother? Already
forty years officially a nation, the calling however was before the world war.
The devil knew it, and tried to murder all the Jews.
Jerusalem is build, and will remain so to the sixty ninth week, after which
there must yet be seven years before Christ shall come. It was written in this
way so that the foolish would not know it, neither do they know when the calling
my dear mother, have you read well what the angel said?
The seventy weeks are divided in three, and also in two, but concerning
the two is written by another prophet, on which I will speak another time. First
there are seven weeks until the birth of an anointed one, a prince.
Who then my dear mother shall this prince be?
word has come true, Israel has returned, more than seven weeks have passed,
where now is that prince? There has
to be a prince on the earth today, otherwise God's word cannot be true.
And so where is this anointed one my dearest mother?
he be that is called a prince? Shall
it be the Christ himself of which the angel speaks?
But how is that possible, since Christ is to come only at the end of
these seventy weeks.
this passage should point to Christ of two thousand years ago is that in every
respect impossible. Christ died at the age of 33, while this prince is to become
sixty-two before he is to give his life for others.
Shall then our Savior have to die for a second time perhaps?
And if so, He must already be in this world.
It is a
man who is meant herewith my dear mother, and that anointed one is given you for
son, for was there not a Lion next to Christ in the dream of Joseph?
And from where was this lion to come?
prophet Elijah said "And
a king, who will be called, King of peace, shall arise in the west, he shall run
upon the sea like a roaring lion.”
King then my dear mother is Christ Jesus, but on His left hand He holds a Lion,
therefore also does it say: "like a Lion."
however my dear mother know that a Lion does not walk on water, the Lion then is
Christ as well as the man, while the waters are the nations, the peoples. Joseph
also said that the beasts would run up against that Lamb, these then are one the
same. The lion then roars, he is
angry, he sounds a mighty voice.
compare this with Isaiah 41:25, for is not Holland in the north, and am I not
now in the west from which it must come? The
sound of many waters, means, that many people will talk about it, one this and
another that, and it will be no small commotion, even as Baruch also testified.
apostles now my dear mother read the books of Ezra under the name of Esdras, the
writing of which by the command of God were kept hidden from the public, since,
so said the Lord, "the fountain of wisdom was in them."
themselves, the Pharisees did not want these books since in them God clearly
states how He had cast off Israel to turn to Gentiles who without prophets or
signs would nonetheless believe on His word.
books are still kept for the children of God, and while I wrote a little of it
last time, this is what follows. First
the angel explains the times, inclusive the Second World War, then there is rest
for a spell, after which he says.
and behold what you see, and understand it, and I saw said the prophet, someone
like a roaring Lion chased out of the woods, and I saw that he lifted up a man's
voice to the eagle, and he said.
me, I will talk with you, for the Highest says to you; are not you the last of
the four beasts that remains which I gave to rule in my earth, so that its end
might come through you?"
still more words he spoke my mother. But
I will proceed to the next chapter where the prophet asks for the explanation,
the angel then answered.
“And the Lion whom you
saw, how he roared and spoke with the eagle, how he reproved her for her
unrighteousness with all the words which you heard, this is the anointed of the
Lord, which the Lord God has kept for them and for their wickedness unto the
He shall reprove them and upbraid them with their cruelties; he will put
them before him alive in judgment, and judge them.
But those others he will lead gently, those that are preserved upon My
borders, and he will make them joyful unto the coming of the Day of Judgment.”
beloved mother the angel said “Keep this as a secret, tell it only to such as
are wise." This secret then
must come to fulfilling, and he who was created thereto my dear mother - lies in
your bosom, if you will keep me in your bosom.
with strength was I born, the child that is within me is the fire of the Lord,
and also mercy and compassion, even as I served to you.
If then O my dear mother you rejoice at the kisses of my lips in words,
how much more so my dear mother will you become full of joy to flow into the
arms of your son?
know what love is and how to serve it, but from the unchaste I keep myself, but
you have faith, and with it comes salvation.
I was to
deceive you in our wine house my mother.
over you was to be love.
to bring you spirit and wisdom.
you with the love thereof.
might drink of your love for which I thirst.
my mother say to me, He deceived me?
deceived me leading me to our wine house.
kisses of his lips he deceived me.
deceived you my mother.
deceived you after the love of God.
years are many; still you are as a young maiden.
you are to faint from love O my dear mother.
yourself with the raisin-cookies I gave.
the apples that I set forth.
yourself there-with to become full-fed.
it shall please love I shall come.
left-hand will come under your head.
arm will embrace you in souls desire.
beloved one knocks at the door.
listening my beloved sister?
dearest mother, honey-sweet woman, perfect one?
fought, stained myself with blood.
seek rest in your desires.
door my honey-sweet woman.
washed myself, changed my clothing.
towards your love.
well-made to serve honey to you.
milk, yea costly wine.
kiss you my beloved, my joy is in you.
has come, He will come to you.
with the lips of your perfect mouth.
will be our sleeping quarters.
the place of our union.
rejoice himself in you.
with the kisses of his mouth.
take your hand in his.
you with the goodness of the Father.
see you O my dearest.
yourself down with me to rest.
shall love be exalted, in rest and peace.
say; indeed my son is wise, He is lovable.
To him is
given the milk of understanding.
Many years did I search for a son.
for one who was not.
he called me, revealed himself to me.
recalled my son of long ago.
truly my son.
have found him, he found me.
love did he ask for me.
love with the costly wine of his lips.
my head dizzy to fainting.
He is my
who gave himself for me.
Now he is
my son, my most dearest.
lay myself down in blessedness,
kisses of his mouth.
rest, and eternal peace.
glorious is the love O my mother.
glorious among all that can be desired.
beautiful my mother,
in her sweetness. Desire her.
your son with all your strength.
flow into you.
I am full
of surprises, full of love.
it for me, the Father, my Lord.
mountains I grew up. I will engage
your sister who did not have breasts.
become a door unto her.
therefore be enclosed with wood of cedars.
I will desire her.
delight her with sweetness of honey.
this high-song to you my mother?
loves you and many others as well.
you, as were you Israel, His beloved people.
And me as
her King, that speaks to her.
assemble a high-song, a song in honor.
has much meaning my dear mother.
It is for
many others my most dearest.
bottle full of sweet wine.
keep for another day.
deceive you to our wine house.
you with the most costly wine.
will never depart from me.
have deceived you completely.
56. Your eyes
shall be to me only, and always.
breasts shall I be made full.
bosom my seating.
dear mother shall say.
has enchanted me.
deceived me in our wine house.
me drunk in love.
sweetness of honey.
57. On my bed
at night I sought for the love of my soul, I sought him, but found him not. I
will get up and go around in the city. In the streets to find the love of my
soul. I sought, but found him not.
guards found me, and I asked them. "Have you seen the love of my
soul?" Barely did I pass them, or there I found Him, the love of my soul. I
grabbed him, and would not let him go. Till he had brought me in the house of my
O my dear mother has Israel longed for the Messiah?
They found Him not, the guards (Preachers) knew it neither, but soon now
they will pass the guards, and find the love of their soul, Jesus, and He will
live in her house. So also your son loves your soul O my mother.
Let me be
the love of your soul.
pleasure of the wine which flows from.
are sweeter than of all others.
are soft, full of tenderness.
is deeper than the sea.
company a fulfilling.
does the Savior love His people? My
example is only an example, for as higher as He is to me, so also His love is.
Solomon then had many wives, but I have you my dearest mother.
the High-song again)
as a signet on your heart, for strong as death is love,
Immobile as the kingdom of death is heart's desire,
Her flames are flames of fire, a fire of the Lord.
waters cannot quench love, rivers run in vain against her,
And though one offered everything he has for the love. One would refuse
is my love that I have for you my dearest.
Desiring you is stronger than death.
I have sung to you a high-song.
Now I must depart from you my beloved mother.
65. The grace and peace of God the Father, and our beloved Lord Jesus be with you, as also a honey sweet kiss from your son, Leonard.
Leonard - Jan 29 1989
To my beloved
delicious to write you, to reveal my love, all my days I desired to love a woman
intimately, and now you have caught me with a love in which I adore you.
It was good to pronounce a song, even a high-song, I trust you will be
glad with it.
fallen in love with you my Anah, what have you done to me to so turn my soul to
you? I shall restrain myself; you
have enough for a while, now that you found a son whom you had not expected.
A son of
your Savior, a gift of the Lord my dear mother.
But you also are to me a gift of God, given in faith, how marvelous the
grace of God is.
greatly He can bring joy when He gives of the goodness of His hand, a mother in
Christ, I simply cannot get over it.
not yet heard from you after I opened my heart to you.
Thoughts went through me, if perhaps my beloved mother will despise me in
unbelief, or if her faith is strong, and her love for God is with knowledge to
I take strength in God's grace, and in your words that you will never let me
You emphasized that word, and you also said that I was at all times in
your thoughts day and night.
can that be normal? For at any time
previous thereto what had I done? I
offered myself to you as a son out of love, something quite natural with me, and
you received only a little.
therefore my mother must be other than common.
In the first place you are as much in love as your son is in feelings.
And in the second place, I thought this must be of the Lord, such love
which is not physical, but in spirit. He must have touched her feelings turning
them to me, He will reward her the meekness and labors to others.
you my mother, keeping you with faith through illness and tears, through divorce
and needs, testing you, and finding you worthy.
And now He has turned you to me in love and grace.
blessed my mother, He honors you highly, wherefore I praise and bless the Lord
Almighty for you, for His grace to you. And
He has only begun. He has more in
mind for you, you will rejoice yourself in Him more and more, more than you had
thought. He will reward your bosom
greatly, for our Savior in His compassion knows how to grant goodness to man,
wondrous are His ways, inconceivable, and we rejoice in it.
that you love me your son, I had to tell you whom I really am, how otherwise
would you share with me? Yes my
dear mother I know very well that it is a strong trial of faith.
asked of the Lord that He grant you strength as well as faith, that you may not
wander in doubt, or fall in unbelief. Myself I know it, we never consider
ourselves worthy of His grace.
knows this very well, therefore also is His name so much more glorified, and we
thank Him the more. He knows, and
does it by design, and it is our joy and salvation, for it is the love of our
soul to praise and sing thanks to Him.
yourself said how Isaac prayed for his wife and God heard him, how man and wife
pray for each other, and God hears them, hearing also your prayer to keep you in
faith. For I also believe, and do
not put questions to Him lightly, as it reads, "Ask what you will in My
name, and I will do it so that My Father may be glorified in the Son".
strong is your faith mother? One
receives more than another, but everyone sufficient for his needs.
I know that it is unusual to find an anointed of God among Gentile
people, yet it is so written.
scriptures testify that an anointed one must come during this time, and still
more is written which I have not yet told you of, which I will relate to you in
may come to know your son, and become aware of the wondrous works of the Lord.
Then you will indeed be able to feel and share with me in all things, and
you will be mother to him, and your son will desire you above all things on
love you with an immeasurable love from the depths of God.
And you my mother will not know what to do for joy, you will never be
able to remove me from your thoughts, nor suffer loss of his love.
of course that I do not speak of a physical love, but that which is of the
Spirit. Your color, your
countenance, your years mean nothing, it are your words, your feelings, the
honey-sweetness of your lips that honor God in the highest, of that love I
shall have come in our heavenly kingdom you shall receive a new body, an
immortal body, and you will be beautiful, delicious to behold with a queen's
crown on your head, a glorious crown of salvation.
you not take a prince for a son to be a mother to him?
You did say, that you would never again let him go, did you not?
Hold on my mother, you were ordained to this from before the earth was
formed to come to the honor of God, and to me a love of my soul.
secret then I know, that in heaven you will be very beautiful, delicious to
behold, and how then shall your son not completely fall in love with you?
No more will you hide your face from me, for I look to your soul, listen
to your words, and look ahead to our eternal abiding.
be long mother, we are both old, yet a few years in joy with each other and we
shall see our Savior. I revealed
myself to you before it would come to pass, before you would read of it in
newspapers, and that also will be a testimony of your love.
perceived in the wisdom that the Lord has granted me, and more have I seen of
which I will speak later. This is a trial of my faith, as also of yours, so that
later it may show that in faith all things are possible, and that in it a man
be of little faith if you had read it in the papers, but now you know it in
advance, in faith we both shall be kept, you to me for support, and I to you for
joy. I indeed need your support my mother, the time is not yet come, but it will
come and you may be midwife to your most beloved son, he will have need of you.
of prey, low animals will come upon your son to take the horn from his head, his
enemies will be many, and they will speak evil of your son, and invent lies.
numbers they will stand up against your beloved son, but they shall not overcome
him, for thus it is written. Many
will agree with your son, and others will love him like you love him.
for your love my mother, for your words - the kisses of your mouth, your words
of love are as sweet honey. I am
weak, your son a normal man, I thirst for love, grant me your honey sweetness my
rejoice in you, for now I am in love with you, not previously, but now I am.
I am like a small bird, you have pierced me with your arrow, caught me
like a helpless bird.
yourself to kiss me with the lips of your mouth so I may remain alive, and the
wound of your arrow will be for joy to me. Daily I wish to satisfy myself of
your honey-sweetness, I thirst for your love.
If I do
not restrain myself, I would say. Kiss
me my mother, feed me with the milk of your breast, let the honey of your lips
bring me to exulting, for I am in love with my mother.
must be patient until the time of our reunion, just as I said in my High song.
“When it pleases love, then shall I come, not before."
That love is in the hand of our Savior.
It will be a trial of faith as well as of patience.
is His aim, so that you can't just come to me, nor I to you.
For the while we must kiss by letter, for that my dear mother is worth
more to the Lord than pure gold. The
kisses which we pass are delicious offerings which He accepts in mercy.
asks them of us to the glory of His name, allow your heart to me in love, your
Savior asks it. You then will kiss
the Savior as often as you kiss your son, and your days will be different.
35. The grace and peace of God the Father and of Christ Jesus be with you my beloved mother, receive the sweetness of your son. Leonard.
LETTER 11 Leonard
- Jan 31 1989
I begin my mother, my fairest?
say that I am in love, but with whom?
my dear mother, with you I am in love.
Why O my
son are you in love with me, why?
tell you my mother my dearest.
We had a
wine house behind the house,
know it my mother?
place of love with tables and chairs.
kept the fruits made into drinks.
returned from my travels again to you.
rejoiced in my arrival, and I beheld you.
went to that wine house to rejoice.
remember it O mother?
in the morning a bit dizzy.
of the evening yet had its power over you.
remember the night before, your heart asks,
My son my
beloved, what has been done to me?
flattered me to our wine house, to our place of love.
after him, in my admiration for him I followed him
the wine house he seated me on a chair.
with a soft back, and a table nearby
full of love were directed to me.
love I allowed myself to him.
me wine in a glass, but this I knew not.
mixed with enchantments.
he put the strength of his love.
I took it
from him, and yet another glass, and more.
became drunk, light in my head.
strength of his love I came into his might.
remember the night, I was deceived.
son, yes by my son, my beloved.
admiration he surprised me.
though I am awake, I am still under his might.
I escape O my son, my beloved?
wine house you put locks on me.
strong chains of souls delight.
offered me mixed wine, which imprisons feet.
sought after my love, how will I resist him?
it; I am in love, in love with my son.
shall I do O my son, my beloved one?
caused your mother to be in love like a maiden.
your love you were the stronger to me.
Yes now I
am awake from the power of the wine.
on my son, what He did to me.
me to be in love, me his mother.
mother to him, in his strength of love.
at the window, how so my son?
at the door, my son knocks.
my heart runs quicker, so I answer.
through the door, and seeing him,
myself afloat, in love with my son.
reaches for me, how can I withstand him?
strength of his love is too strong for me.
Sit by me
my son, for I want to ask you something.
my son, what has been done to your mother in the night?
son was that wine so powerful?
beloved did you add therein?
feel its power, like enchantment to me.
love potion my son that you mixed with it?
SON TO MOTHER.
yourself mother, I will tell you, it was my love.
strength of my love did I mix your wine.
am in love with you my mother my dearest.
In your beauty O my mother I fell in love.
mother when I was yet young in your bosom.
kissed me with your mouth full of sweet honey.
sweetness of your lips I was brought up.
have become a man, no longer a child.
remember your lips, the sweetness thereof.
honey with which I was spoiled my mother.
my mother as a man shall I go to find
sweet honey with which you spoiled me?
lips O my mother, yea there only.
was a child, but now I am man.
beauty of women now enchants me.
around after the beauty of women.
distant lands I sought, there I saw much.
gorgeous in figure,
turned to them. I kissed their
sweet O my mother.
like I was used to as a child in your lap.
I went to
other women, kissed their lips.
desire did not find your likeness O mother.
sweet honey of your lips, such as I desire.
spoiled me with your love others to loss.
I did not
find your likeness, and so I was grieved.
shall I go to find such sweet honey?
your beauty my mother, there is none like it.
returned myself from my travels to you.
place of my birth, there where I was received.
were O my mother, waiting for me.
beholding your beauty, I fell in love with you.
also I recalled that honey-sweetness of long ago.
turned itself within me to behold you.
look and a thought I fell in love.
For now I
am a man, and longingly press towards such love.
my mother is without man, without strength.
was not of her womb, an adopted son.
deceived her in love, who desired her beauty?
thought, I shall retain my mother, pull her to me.
with my love, so she will always be my mother.
my hand support your head O my mother.
embrace you, and I say to you my mother.
I am in
love with you, totally given to you.
beauty is not like others my dearest.
the women, which your son desired.
stars above sevenfold over so is your beauty.
to behold, thus I fell in love.
With you O my mother, I found not your likeness.
yourself to me, and close your eyes my mother.
will support you while I kiss you.
embracing you will hold you while I behold you.
I want to
taste the sweet honey, which I have missed for so long.
delicious food my mother, the strength of your lips.
delicious your lips my mother exalted in you.
been so long, but now you kiss my lips again.
O my mother shall I seek for less?
feel it now my mother, why I deceived you?
Why I led you to the wine house?
you in love. Yea in love with me,
might always taste you.
MOTHER TO SON.
O my son
my dearest, what have you done to me?
powerless in your arms, overcome in your love.
mouth you have brought me to ecstasy.
I resist you my beloved?
I resist you to keep myself mother to you?
For now I
am in love, yea in love with my son.
O my son, you are mine in love.
love with the strength of your love.
not from me to stranger nor beauty.
ready for you a place to rest next to mine.
eat at my table, to my beholding.
continually rejoice myself in your love.
heat of the day you will cover me in your shadow.
evening I will let you deceive me.
in our wine house, to drink love.
you do not deceive me, I will flatter you
beauty to go to our wine house.
O my love, there we will rejoice,
the song of the Savior.
My son my
beloved, you caused your mother to be in love.
my son you have put yourself in cuffs to me.
deceived yourself in love binding your hands.
now my son will look at me,
shall now bow himself for me? Seek for me?
surprised your mother, brought her in love.
again O my son shall another desire me.
deceived yourself to me with an eternal love.
SON TO MOTHER.
I know it
my mother; yes I acknowledge the bonds.
I was led, because you spoiled me.
keep you as my mother, my dearest.
mourn O my mother for husband or child.
I will be
to you as both husband and son.
will you go O my mother to corner my love?
your son, to your own joy - mother and wife.
not be to your taste O my mother to taste another.
likeness had it beginning in you.
will you find a man after your taste?
yourself to rest O my mother in sweet rest.
awaken with your son to your taste.
rejoice yourself in Him whom you bore.
fear of the Lord O mother.
His peace, in everlasting joy.
of two, and yet one.
shall say to you my most dearest mother, this song is in truth, it is really so,
everything is correct. My mother
Anigje was faith; she spoiled me with the love of the Savior.
As a child I grew up in that honey sweetness.
my mother with affectionate love; her voice was with faith, and with Godly love,
therein my soul rejoiced, she spoiled me with this.
Then she was taken from me, my mother Anigje into eternal rest.
remained alone, grieved, and became man, I sought for a woman, for beauty, to
again find such love, but I found it not.
mother Anah, one difference in the song, not I turned myself, nor I to a mother,
for she was no longer, or at least, so I thought.
But it was the Savior O mother; He turned me to you.
Are you not also my mother not seen in so long?
heard your words, saw through your letters, it was like a strength that I had
known before. Yes in you, that
glorious sweetness of her love, your beauty shone through the lines of your
came to me, This is my mother, I recall her smell, she truly my mother, my
mother so long in my past. Sarah,
or Anah, the sweetness was the same, that honey sweetness with which I was
spoiled, my soul tastes again the same, with that O my mother I fell in love.
O mother this glass of wine.
you my mother with my love.
deceive you in falling in love with your son.
is in love with you.
draw yourself from his bonds.
yet a little in our wine house being joyful.
It is my
purpose to bring you in love.
may sleep after yet a few glasses.
you may awaken, late in the morning.
wine of the night, as my prisoner.
lips shall find you in eternal rest.
my darling, dearly beloved.
is beauty, eternal pleasure.
love - like sweet honey.
desire - is pureness, souls pleasure.
of the Savior - a heavenly exalting.
- the might of lips.
mother - is eternal beauty.
the soul - immortal and beautiful.
over-affectionate, but improper not right.
can honor God too high, or understand love?
has not love - is not real, not in God's image.
then shall love be known?
feelings O my mother, my love in love.
38. End of my song, I must depart until another evening with candlesticks and wine, to fill a glass fully after your taste my mother my love. Leonard.
Leonard - Feb 5 1989)
becomes difficult waiting to write, I thought once a week, but it became more,
forgive me my mother for I rejoice in your love.
through my old papers, the proverbs, prayers, and expressions which I had
written when I was yet young, in the beginning of my love for learning.
There I found some surprises, which I had forgotten, and how well it was
with my soul then.
which I had spoken but not understood. I
found some beautiful things, which I now begin to understand.
How glorious was my heart already knit to the Lord at that time, and so I
am sending you a page of that which survived, being glad that I saved these
through the years.
giving you this page as a token by which you may come to know your son, to know
him then you will be able to share with him. And from your writings I will learn
to know your heart and soul.
will as blessed as we mother and son? But
you shall have to strain yourself my mother, since it is a mountain that stands
before you, which you must climb in which there is much to see, and the air is
full of delicious fragrance.
rest and joy and peace in the words of David, the psalms, and in all scripture,
but there are yet more of the Lord our Savior, in the Odes which have been
called after Solomon which I renamed after Christ.
some of the most beautiful psalms written, the Lord speaks in them, most
probably made after the time of Christ by one greatly honored of God to write so
then already know, the Lord anointed me for some purpose, and like Enoch said,
that I would receive wisdom and knowledge, and in that knowledge my mother I
have written much. These words were
given me of the Spirit of God who is with me.
you find joy in God's word, you will also find joy in my words, since they too
are of Him. I know you rejoice in
my love even when I showed only a glimmer, how then my mother will your heart
rejoice in receiving the full gift thereof?
Savior granted me this to our joy. Your son is in love with his mother, now you
know it, and I wished you to fall in love with me.
I do not
seek your love in secret wherefore I revealed my desire to have you body and
soul in love with me, so that I may always drink of your love, to satisfy me in
your love. I thirst after the
also do I search in depths to bring it upwards. I desire, the dearest mother heart, your passion I wish to
stir up that I may drink of it in souls rejoicing.
But now I
shall again have to leave, the grace and wisdom of God and Christ be with you, a
kiss for your lips my mother. Leonard.
Leonard - Feb 12 1989
I look for a letter, I miss your lovely words, you companionship, I thought
perhaps we can wait a month, and meanwhile receive a letter.
If then at all possible my mother write me every week.
sending some means herewith so you can write to your hearts desire.
I love you yet I cannot picture you to me, it has been too long ago, I
cannot remember you face, nor picture it to me except a little.
So I am
sending a picture of myself in younger years with this to bend your mother-heart
to also sent me a picture if even from long ago.
I love you not for your figure, as is obvious since I do not remember,
nor can I picture you. Yet some day
I shall have to find you from among others.
completed my first book, "the foundations of the world", and am now
busy with the second. I have some
pain in my chest these last weeks, and if this is something physical or if it be
your love I know not, if it is the latter I will take more.
again "why?" And though I
could say much in that respect, it is as I wrote in that high-song; "with a
look and a thought I fell in love with you."
not had a letter from you in answer on anything, and to say more I must see what
you can bear, I suspect to receive a letter this coming week.
I plan to write you each week, so that you need not continually look for
the mail knowing you will receive a letter.
can I hurt a mother-heart or let her thirst? I love you and you know it, turn my heart softly for it is
yours, and be careful my mother, for how would I survive it if something
happened to you?
8. Receive a kiss from your son, the peace of the Lord be with you. Leonard.
14 Ann - Feb 4 1989
My dearest son
when the mail comes I look to see if there is a letter from you, which cannot be
yet, but I long so strongly for them, but this morning four letters came
together, much thanks for all that you wrote.
me all morning to read and reread them, and though you did not write it with so
many words, I noticed that you are not fully happy in your marriage, I had
noticed that earlier even though you did not write about it.
I think it sad that your marriage has not given you great happiness, I feel with you in
this for I also experienced that, if you are not one in faith is that very
difficult. I hope however that both
of you are doing your best to come together.
to me the dearest child, through your letters I have come to love you more than
it was before. Now and then there
are things of which I cannot let go, something you read that fastens itself to
you, you keep thinking about it.
example; I know a master greater than Michael Angelo, God's stone is man, His
chisel the pain, and when I suffer much and it looks like I can stand no more, I
say to myself. The Master is at
work, He wants to make me more beautiful, and better, I thank Thee God.
It sets in me like a chisel in stone, irrevocably.
insight is it when you can say, that the pain is the chisel which God handles to
form the man. Every person
experiences pain although not all the same.
But apparently God can touch a person in his life so as to shake him on
his foundations, and that at end he can still say; I thank Thee my God.
not something one can say just like that, it is grace.
Of that word, honestly spoken, I do not understand everything, actually
almost nothing. But I have the feeling that grace has something to do with
God, something that comes over you, of which you cannot come lose.
things by which one is so touched that one cannot get lose of, and that is good,
for which reason it also is called grace, like a confession, so it can be read.
fortress is our God, a wall to turn evil, His strong hand hold the evil from
you, who can defend himself without Him? Jesus
Christ is Lord of the universe who shall be victorious; God Himself stands at
Leonard I hope you also shall experience this; in my thoughts I put my arms
around you and press you to my heart my darling boy.
O how good it is to write that, my heart goes out to you every day and
written so much, and how much time and trouble this must have cost you, also the
translation of part of your book, much thanks for it.
When I read all this I think how much you are like unto your dear mother
who is with Jesus.
taught me much all those times that I could be with her to be at her side with
the birth of her four last children, and also when she was sick outside in that
little room. I was so pleased to be
able to go to her in the evening after work to sit with her a while and listen
very much you are like her my dear boy, and how much I loved her. What shall I
write you? I cannot help it that my
heart goes so much out to you, it cannot be different, you are to me the dearest
that I have on earth. I will send
you a picture this time, taken in my room by a nephew.
think of my house being finished and then you come, O how glorious that would
be. You said you had only given a
little, but for me it is a sea full. But
in the first place you must be happy with your wife and children.
You are to me a gift of the Lord, and I am very happy with that.
would that you were happy with your own family, with them to be happy first. To
me you are a gift of the Lord, and I am very glad with that, but I would like
you to be happy with your own family also.
cannot get over it, so you said, and so it is with me that I have a son that I
love with my heart with whom I can share happiness and sorrow.
I am very happy with your letters, and I wrote that I was busy with it
the whole morning, but the afternoon was also taken up with it, reading and
rereading, and my love for you is strong.
you as a mother, what then shall God's love be who is much greater and stronger,
keep yourself to Him my dear Leonard. You rejoice in writing me, and I hope we may do so for a long
time, the Savior has given us the love in our hearts, you also He loves, He will
help you, also in your marriage.
18. Good by my dear boy, I hope to hear from you soon, write me what bothers you, and where you have difficulties with. God's blessing for you and your family. Good-by dear treasure, a kiss from your mother.
Ann - Feb 12 1989
I received the letter with the song which you made for me, much thanks for it,
it looks like from the Song of Solomon, but I would that you sent your wife such
it sad that you are not fully happy with her my dear boy.
Roger wrote me that he was very happy with his wife and two dear
children, and I hoped that you would also write that, but I noticed quickly,
though you did not write so, that you were not.
mother had to leave she had me called to her, and asked me if I would be mother
for you children, but this did not come to pass, I was sent away.
You wrote once that it was not of my will, but the reason was different,
and I had to grieve for it thirty five years now.
you sought contact and wrote me many letters, through them you became my dearest
child. I hope from the heart that
we may always keep this contact till death separates us, but also I hope that
Edith and you will love each other very much, for this I pray.
to me your letters take about nine days en route, that is not all that long, for
if you look at the map we are a long distance apart, but with my heart I feel we
are close together.
write me who Anaheim is; I have not understood that.
Though there are many beautiful things in life it is often difficult and
heavy, then I sing, when you are in need knowing no way out, never forget that
God does not leave you. It is marvelous that in our troubles we can always trust on
How is it
possible that it works so well between us, I am so happy with it, I had never
dared to hope for this. I loved all
eight of you equally, but now that I have such good contact with you, you have
become to me the most dearest.
long for your next letter, last Sunday I mailed the previous letter, and this
Sunday the next. If correct you
will receive my previous letter tomorrow. I
am again at the end of this letter, and wish you God's blessing.
from your loving mother. What a
great privilege to be a child of God, and to receive Jesus as our Savior.